Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
