my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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