Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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