You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sext me about skeletons
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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