do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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