White coat. Heels.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
