New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
why do cheetos always look like penises
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize