called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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