turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
