just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
