you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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