i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
