if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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