she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
