i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
