Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
