Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
