i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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