My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize