She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
