I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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