She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
