woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
ugly people sure do ruin things
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
