i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
