I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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