a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
