it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
