I need to stop coming to work sober
her facebook's as public as her vagina
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
