Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
