I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
