oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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