She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
