fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
