The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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