Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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