is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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