awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
