do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
