Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ladies don't puke and tell
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
