my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
either way he was missing a nipple.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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