did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
