we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
