i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
