I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
