Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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