Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
