So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
