Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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