someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
