Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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