he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
