she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
