I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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