the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
