Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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