You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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