he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
