Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
