I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I won't apologize to a one balled man
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
