ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
