the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
