dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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