your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
