I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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