Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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