It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
