So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
