I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize