She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
