I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
