maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize