Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
