she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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