I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My vagina is very pro this idea
jump out the window naked night went bad
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