U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
