So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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