I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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