This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
