WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
