After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
