so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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