Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
