You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I cut my penus on the lid.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
