i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize