He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
