She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
