i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
