i just wanna soil my oats bro
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
