there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Someone shattered a urinal.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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