the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
