my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
