U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
