I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
