yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He passed out mid-signature
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
