You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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