The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
